There is light after the dark clouds

Dear friend,

I don’t know where you are now, or what you are going through. Your life might be great right now, but you might need this story I am about to share later. You might be in the midst of the dark clouds and can’t seem to see a way out, I am here to share my story to let you know there is light after the dark clouds.  My story is in no wise finished, but I believe God has done so much for me, it would be an injustice not to share..

About ten years ago, I said ‘I do’ to a young charming man that seemed to be filled with promise and potential. I was deeply grateful at that time for two strange reasons:.

1. I had finally crossed the marriage hurdle and said ‘I do’ and I would not have to contend with it forever! You see, I had been quite scared about getting married my whole life. I was trained and taught that marriage was the highest honor of a woman and only the prepared would be worthy of it. My dear Mum, Grandmum and Aunties did their best to ‘train me’ for my time. You might be wondering if that was the 20^th century, lol, not it wasn’t. I got married at 25, so you can guess my age. It was just that in my Mum’s family, they had a reputation for Marrying early from 14years to 20years. If you were not married by 20 in those days, you were considered unfortunate! So they brought me up with the belief that I had to be ready for marriage and anytime I did not do well in my domestic work, they reminded me that no man would marry me if I did not improve. So from the age of 9, I lived with the consciousness that I had to get married to step into my ‘fullness as a woman’. Now you know I was excited to have finally ‘passed the test’..

2. I seemed to be making my parents happy! Yes I was a parent’s pleaser and I always wanted them to be happy with me. After my first degree, it was made very clear to me that marriage had to be the next on my agenda. At that time I wanted to explore and further my education but I knew they would have preferred me to get married. I was lucky to have been able to tick both boxes; I met a Man and got enrolled for my MBA. I got married after my first year on the MBA and was pregnant before my final semester was over. I believed I had hit home run in the parents pleasing department, lol!.

Now you would notice from the two points above, that it was not really about me but about satisfying the expectations of culture and my family. Now to put a balance to it, pleasing them and doing the ‘right thing’ made me happy at that time..

I settled into marriage and alas it was not what I thought it would be. In retrospect, I don’t blame anyone that things did not work out and truthfully my 8 year old Son made the short experience that lasted about three and a half years’ worth it.  Six years ago, everything seemed to come crashing down. I was a wreck emotionally and I seemed to have failed at the thing I had been prepared all my life to succeed at..

I fought to keep my head above the water of depression; I lived with guilt and condemnation for 5years! I met a wonderful lady named Uche in the technology firm I worked who called me out with love and told to snap out of it and start living. They were mostly self-inflicted by the way; because I erroneously thought the world was judging me (Maybe they were or not, it doesn’t matter), I thought my friends didn’t want me around anymore because I no longer belonged to the ‘married women’s club’..

In the midst of this, I was blessed to have a few women who rallied around and tried to help. A few of them worthy of mention are Tara Durotoye, Faith Obanua and Toyosi Akerele-Ogunsiji and My sisters; Abosede George-Ogan and Ifeany Mogaji. They prayed with and for me and were my anchor during those tough years..

Now to my surprise, my life did not stop after my marriage failed! Yes it slowed down quite a bit because I lost some material assets and had to pick myself back up, but it was not the end of the world! Let me pause to tell you right now that if you are going through a dark season of your life and those clouds seem to hover above you, it would pass!.

I was confused and heartbroken for the longest time, but the spirit of God in me kept me fighting. I poured myself into purpose. I was inspired to start the Empowering women series to tell the stories of inspirational women who triumphed over obstacles to become successful. I was only able to do one book on Tara Fela-Durotoye because I confronted the challenges of the traditional form of publishing and distribution. The platform has now evolved into Thefivestarwoman..

I also started Business side of Fashion in 2010 after I had told Toyosi Akerele about the idea of educating creative entrepreneurs about business and she said; just do something about it. I also had the amazing support of my dear Aunty and Mentor: Mrs. Nike Ogunlesi. We had a 5 year successful run of the annual conference and thousands of creative entrepreneurs were inspired by the movement..

The bottom line is purpose can come out of your pain! Don’t bury your head in the pain, lift you head up, find your anchors and let God show you your purpose through your pain..

Today, my life has further evolved and I can humbly say; I not only survived, I evolved and I am thriving. The victories might seem small, but to me, the unseen victories are actually bigger. A few of them are:

• I have learned to love myself. That for me was the most important victory that came out of the whole experience. I love myself for me and not based on the expectations of other people. I have also learned that God does not have such unrealistic expectations; he loves us for who we are pouches, imperfections and all!

• I have learned to be grateful for the seasons of life: circa 2010, my life seemed to be going quite well! I had always gotten very good jobs, I had started a business and I was literarily ‘balling’ at least that is what you would have thought when you saw me. After that, life was a bit of a struggle. I had to re-learn how to enter public transport, after so many years of having a car. However like Paul said; I have learnt to abase and abound and all the seasons have made me a better and more compassionate person. I am able to relate with people from various works of life and social classes because I have been through various parts of the ladder.

• I have learnt to re-invent myself. You are really the author of your own destiny and the only thing that can limit you is your thoughts. Like I mentioned earlier, I have evolved. I spent a lot of time getting healing through prayer, listening to spiritual teachers and meditating on God’s word. A few people who helped me on this emotional healing journey that I listened to are: Louis Hay(She taught me to love and accept myself), Rhonda Cort(reading her High value woman newsletters taught me to desire and expect more from life) and Shanel Cooper Sykes( She personified who a high value woman is to me). I grew through the process, discovered my mission and calling for this new season and today I am a Business coach and strategist working with clients to build successful brands and businesses.

• I am self-sufficient. One of the best things that have come out of the whole experience is that I learnt to believe in myself, my gifts and talents as a means to add value to people and earn a good living. Before then, I had been a daddy’s girl, so I had been well taken care of. Dad bought my first car etc. I expected my husband to continue where my Dad had stopped. I admire men who take up the responsibility of taking care of their spouses and it is a noble thing. However I learnt that a man is not a financial plan. God has given you a gift woman that makes you a contributor and it is okay for you to also become a millionaire or even a billionaire!

• I am still a dreamer. Yes I still expect more out of life! I am excited about what the present and future holds and I am actively working towards the things I can while I remain expectant about what God is still set to do. I know the future is bright and the best days are still ahead..

Thank you for reading this far, I woke up at 4am this morning because I had a dream that reminded me about how far I have come. I knew I had to share this with you even if the story is still being written. If you are behind a dark cloud, hold on there is light after the dark clouds..

Love and peace.

‘Tale